More than three years ago, I chanced upon a young man on a gay social networking site, guys4men. Although normal conversation between users in that site involves sex and meet-ups, we talked more than that. He was into literature: short stories and poems. His enthusiasm in these forms of art reminded me of an ex-boyfriend, which made me like him. His name is Marvin. We sometimes chat over YM, and have exchanged friendster accounts. However, our communication halted, probably because he was busy with his studies, and I, with work. We eventually forgot about each other’s existence.
April of this year, after I was diagnosed with HIV, I stumbled upon people living with HIV in facebook and twitter. I needed help, I was in a state of panic. One of them encouraged me to make a blog, telling me it will feel better if I ventilate my feelings through writing. He shared his blog too. Upon seeing his cartoonized photo, I felt that I know the person I’m communicating with. I asked him if he is Marvin. He said yes.
What a small world we have, really! Marvin and I never met in person, but in a span of several years, we met again over the Internet. Only this time, we are both HIV positive.
He is one of the very first persons who knew about my HIV status: talked with, listened to my worries, took the time to monitor my daily activities; gave me instructions on what to do; made sure that I’m alright; calmed me; cared for me.
He was diagnosed last February 2012, and his initial CD4 count was 2 (which makes him an AIDS case), yet he fought the battle well. His voice still reverberates in my ears at times, and I can still hear him calling me “Kuya” with so much enthusiasm. He told me that he is surviving at 2, and added that I’d be sure to survive better because of my early diagnosis.
We talked about online writing work, as that is what we do for a living. He was a book reviewer. I still am a marathon and real estate news writer. He suggested a lot of other online sites where I can earn, and work is home-based at that. His eagerness to help others is just so wholehearted.
At around third week of July, he told me that he fainted while working online. I told him to tell his mother about that, and that he should go to his hub for consultation. He refused. He feared that his mom might not allow him to continue with his online work. When he fainted the second time, I learned from other twitter friends that he had himself checked by his HIV hub.
And then the weird messages from Marvin came. He questioned the researched and tested data about HIV and AIDS. He told me he has found the cure. He said he was an elite controller. He said he was misdiagnosed as having HIV, and should have been diagnosed as schizophrenic. I told him that maybe he has just read a lot of books, and that he internalized what he has read. I told him that when people read about schizophrenia, for example, a person may find some schizophrenic traits within himself. But that doesn’t conclude anything unless diagnosed by a medical doctor.
That wasn’t the Marvin that I know. It was the virus talking. AIDS got him really bad, and destroyed his thoughts.
I admit that I somehow neglected Marvin. I believe that I do not have the authority to give him advice (medical or personal) as it may jeopardize his treatment. I refused to be self-righteous either. I have always encouraged him to talk to his doctor. It’s just so sad to know that in that state, others may have harshly judged him. Yes, I felt that he may have lost touch with reality, but were we therapeutic in dealing with him? He was a young man at 21, and he was helpless!
Last August 15, from twitter, where Marvin and I usually communicate to each other, I received the news that someone passed away. Then I received calls from twitter friends telling me it was Marvin.
You did not die in vain, Marvin. Your literary works will always be remembered by your friends and by our community. I will always remember your eagerness to help others through your advocacy. We may not always agree on some things, but no two minds are alike anyway. This will not be the last time I would hear about you, as more and more people will talk about you, your mission, and your advocacy.
You will always be my makulit younger viral brother.
For your reference, here are the links to his blog sites:
He was also a contributing writer to Positive Lite.com, Canada's online HIV magazine. Here are the links to his entries:
Positive Lite.com's tribute article to Marvin: click HERE
The STD Project's tribute article to Marvin: click HERE
Marvin's interview with The STD Project: click HERE
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