Positive Pinoy: my personal journey with HIV.

I was diagnosed last March 29, 2012 in a time that I was supposed to leave the country in a couple more weeks. I had my medical exam, and the result returned POSITIVE. From then on, my journey with HIV began.

Read More

What's New?: gateway to useful links on local and international news and updates about HIV.

A summary collection of medical articles, research news, and science breakthroughs on HIV/AIDS, STIs, and other related diseases.

Read More

HIV 101: Basic information for the newly-diagnosed.

Understand the basics, know the facts, and take care of yourself. This section contains basic information about HIV/AIDS.

Read More

Social Media: going viral against HIV/AIDS and other STIs.

The entrance of social media in spreading awareness about HIV/AIDS has gone viral. Famous personalities and the common man alike showed their support not just to HIV education but also with regards to the lives and struggles of the LGBT community.

Read More

Health Events: listing of wellness and advocacy events for HIV-positive individuals and friends.

This section contains a summary listing of knowledge-sharing events on HIV, mass HIV testing, and other wellness events that will strengthen the overall health of HIV-positive individuals.

Read More

2) The Immediate Aftermath

March 29. I went to the diagnostic clinic early to finish whatever it was that needs to be rechecked on me. I wanted everything to be accomplished because I was on PM shift. And yes, it was that day that I knew that I am HIV positive.

After the talk with the head med tech, I decided to proceed to the hospital although it was still early for duty. I was in the MRT station when I texted a workmate that I needed to talk to someone. I was glad with the reply; she’s on PM shift as well.

When I arrived in the hospital, I prepared my things and received endorsement from my manager. I remember texting my Mom that I had my follow up lab earlier, and that I wouldn’t be able to work abroad. I told her I’m sorry for everything, for disappointing her once again. She texted, asking what my problem was. Afraid of disclosing to her that I have HIV, I just told her that there was a problem with my blood exam.

I remember her calling, furious, asking me what happened. I told her that I might have Hepa B, and that blood was extracted from me again, and I have to wait for 3 to 4 weeks for the confirmatory result. I cried telling her how sorry I am. I cried because I lied.

She asked what my plans are. I said I do not know for now. Then I said, I can ask my manager if I can still retract my resignation. With regards to my employment abroad, I can just tell my agency that I have a health problem that may take a while to be resolved. With regards to my siblings visiting me in Manila, we can go on with it since it was already all planned out.

Then the workmate that I texted earlier arrived. She asked me what my problem is. She asked if it’s about my work abroad. I looked at her and nodded. Controlling my tears is such a feat. I couldn’t hold back any longer, tears flow continuously from my eyes. I cried in silence because I was embarrassed that the other staff might see me. My workmate and I agreed to talk after duty.

A few moments later, a guy I recently dated texted me, asking why I wasn’t texting back anymore. I replied that things are complicated with me right now; that currently, I’m in a very very dark place that I do not know my way out. He was worried; he called. I was not comfortable taking the call because I don’t want to lie again, and I don’t want to explain myself to anyone as of the moment. Things are very recent. But out of politeness, and the need, maybe, for someone to listen, I did take the call.

My voice was shaking when I talked to him. I told him I’m sick. Since what I do know about HIV then, is that it might lead to TB, pneumonia, or cancer, I had no choice but to just tell him that I might have cancer. I cried telling him that I did care for different patients in the hospital, patients in critical care conditions. And it’s so hard for me to accept that sooner or later, I may be one of those patients. I see how they suffer, and I will suffer like them as well. We ended our conversation with him saying, that I should just pray, and never forget to seek Him at all times.

After PM shift, my workmate and I talked. I did not disclose to her my real condition, but she listened to all the worries of my heart. Before we parted ways, she held my hand and told me that everything will be fine, and God will always be there for me.

I walked home crying.

Currently have 8 comments:

  1. things wil work out fine! Trust me!

  2. I was diagnosed feb 26 and on 3rd month of living positively. I share the same issue with working abroad as my family wanted me to work abroad and I just can't tell them the reason why I can no longer pursue my career abroad. The first few weeks were devastating but after a few research and hundreds of people all over the world who cares I had a change of heart! here in manila there were several people you can really lean on. If you need someone to talk to. Just ask. we will be there for you!

    Mark Pangarap

  3. thanks so much! i appreciate the kind words.

  4. we basically share the same situation pala. and i truly understand you.

    i know that there are a lot of support groups there in manila, and i wanted to join in one. but when i discovered about my status, things happened so fast, and it got really complicated. i decided to go home, and have my treatment here (if there are any, kse hindi pa available ang CD4 machine dito). then maybe, depending on the outcome, i may go back to manila and rebuild my career. let's keep in touch. you can leave me a message at: pinoypositive@ gmail .com

    let's stay strong. :-)

  5. I was hospitalized with pneumonia and possible TB. I was scared too. Was this cancer?
    I was finally allowed to go home. But had clinic visit a few days after.
    The doctor wanted to discuss what was happening to me and that because my CD4 was down to 40 and viral load in excess of 330,000 copies, things were looking extremely tough for me in the coming months. I feared the worse. Was this the end for me. Was I going to die. Terrible fear took over. People with my diagnosis don't usually survive.
    I had to take a whole month off work. Everyone was worried and wondered how I became so sick.
    I had a close friend who came to the clinc with me and just supported me.
    Fortunately my doctor was very positive and said it was going to be tough. But that I would survive.
    Its now been 8 months since that all happened. My health is back and my body is respond to treatment. I'm on Atripla.
    I'm hearing you. It isn't easy. Its freaking scary. I'm still fighting. And getting better each day.
    My viral load now is undetectable. But my CD4 is still low.
    I take each day now as a gift. I hey to look after my body. Mentally I'm still struggling. But I'm on the mend.


    I will be okay. And so will you. Life throws these things and challenges at us. To make us stronger.
    Together we will overcome.

    Much love. Nate

  6. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, and I appreciated it very much that you share your story as well. Thank you for the kind and encouraging words. You're giving me hope, and you help strengthen me.

    Thank you so much! :-)

  7. Im experiencing the same thing now. I just got my test result yesterday. It was paralyzing. I wanted to shout because I feel that Im already dead. Im in the depression stage but reading your blog eases the pain inside. ������

  8. Hi ken here. Been hiv positive sibce feb 18 2016.
    My cd4 was 227. Ivhad a severe allergic reaction to my arvs the first time. Right now im on aluvia and lami teno..
    Im losing weight bro i dont know what to do. Help me pls.

Leave a Reply

Your email is never published nor shared.