Positive Pinoy: my personal journey with HIV.

I was diagnosed last March 29, 2012 in a time that I was supposed to leave the country in a couple more weeks. I had my medical exam, and the result returned POSITIVE. From then on, my journey with HIV began.

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What's New?: gateway to useful links on local and international news and updates about HIV.

A summary collection of medical articles, research news, and science breakthroughs on HIV/AIDS, STIs, and other related diseases.

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HIV 101: Basic information for the newly-diagnosed.

Understand the basics, know the facts, and take care of yourself. This section contains basic information about HIV/AIDS.

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Social Media: going viral against HIV/AIDS and other STIs.

The entrance of social media in spreading awareness about HIV/AIDS has gone viral. Famous personalities and the common man alike showed their support not just to HIV education but also with regards to the lives and struggles of the LGBT community.

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Health Events: listing of wellness and advocacy events for HIV-positive individuals and friends.

This section contains a summary listing of knowledge-sharing events on HIV, mass HIV testing, and other wellness events that will strengthen the overall health of HIV-positive individuals.

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7) Why I Currently Hate Facebook

I have worked my ass off for more than three years as a nurse. And being a nurse here in the Philippines is no joke. Nurses are underpaid. Well, not necessarily overworked since the hospital I worked for have fewer patients compared to government hospitals. But some, if not most patients that we have expects the best service from us to get their money’s worth. And even if that best service includes feeding them even when they are able, massaging their backs and feet to induce sleep, and putting their TV on or off even when the remote control is within their reach. And these are still mild nursing activities. I, myself, have experienced worse, that I believe is not even part of my job description. Harassment, sexual and nonsexual, I didn’t mind. I needed the clinical experience. At the back of my mind, I was telling myself I’ll leave this country and be richer than my patients.

I didn’t harm anyone. I believe I gave my best, at least most of the time. I was up for promotion last February as assistant manager in our unit, but I turned it down because my agency wanted me to resign since my visa has already arrived.

I was supposed to leave Philippines last April 12, but I was diagnosed as HIV positive last March 29. My dreams of providing my family a generally comfortable life suddenly shattered. My mother is a nurse too, but she’ll be in her retirement age next year. I was supposed to replace her as the breadwinner of the family. Now I don’t know how our family will be when she returns; she’s our sole breadwinner.

I have lots of dreams. Most of them, I know I would not be able to fulfill. Reality check here: I know I wouldn’t be able to work abroad.

I was offered a monthly average income of 100,000 pesos, tax free! I was supposed to have my own pad in a building with a centralized A/C system. No electricity or water bills to pay. There’s even food and transportation allowance. All I needed to do there is work.

And look at me now. I am currently unemployed. Not only did I lose my nursing job abroad, but I also lost my nursing job here in the Philippines.

Thank God for my ex-boyfriend, I am still holding on to this online news writing job he referred me to.

So how do all these make me currently hate facebook?

In my facebook account, I see my colleagues travelling around the world. They have been buying gadgets and other things that I dreamed of having, that I dreamed of buying for my Mom, aunts, brothers, and sister. I was supposed to help finance the college education of my siblings. I was supposed to help fix our house, pay the bills, and in general, provide good living to my family.

I remember in one of the seminars in the hospital, I told the facilitator that one of my dreams is to bring my aunts to Bohol, make them see firsthand the Chocolate Hills. My aunts were grade school teachers and they taught about the different tourist spots here in the Philippines, yet they haven’t been to one.

Yes, I feel regretful because I, too, could have provided for my family. I do not want to have HIV, but I invited temptation.

I have always been the supportive workmate, always telling my colleagues how lucky we are to belong to a really big hospital with high-tech equipment. I encouraged them to take foreign exams so that they will have better opportunities abroad.

In my heart, I know I’m happy for workmates’ successes. For more than three years, they served as my siblings in Manila. I’m just not ready to view their successes that could have been mine as well. I know that the problem is with me, but maybe I still need more time to recover.

Hence, I’ll say good bye to facebook for now.

Currently have 19 comments:

  1. I can feel what you are into right now. I myself even get jealous of my classmates also working outside of the country. They have the opportunity to earn money to support their family and also their daily living. FACEBOOK sometimes does sucks, thats why i seldom use my personal account coz each and everytime I log in I get pending messages to reply and they keep on asking where do i work? have i gone out of the country? do i have a stable job? etc... It does make me hopeless sometimes.

    But I never loose my optimism. I never loose HOPE. I want you to be OPTIMISTIC also and NEVR LOOSE HOPW BROTHER!

  2. thanks for the kind words. I am truly happy with the success of my workmates, we have been together for more than three years. i think i should not dwell on the "what ifs" and "what could have beens", and just basically move on.

    i've read success stories of people with HIV as well, and i know i have to start my life again. let's just help each other, reminding one another, to be optimistic, because there is definitely a bright future for all of us.

  3. :)

    Hindi ka na masyado nagte-text. Sabi mo, wala din namang bago. I know you are bored sa ginagawa mo ngayon. But perhaps, it is better than not do anything at all. Be patient lang. Sept right? :)

    Alam mo na yun din naman ang concern: the future. Yes, mayabang ako. Haha. Sabi ko nga sa kakilala ko, I am just nobody. LOL. Hahaha. So yun, eto napala ko.

    Kaya pa rin naman nating mangarap. This does not made us a lesser person. May extra baggage nga lang tayo sa buhay. Pero, who does not live this life na walang baggage na drama? Siguro si Dalai Lama.

    Okay naman ang Facebook. Facebook lang naman yun. Kahit ano namang sites, wala namang makakapagdefine sa pagkatao natin.

    - John

  4. Hahaha! I think those things in facebook are just superficial. of course, when i was still struggling with my salary in the hospital, i was telling myself that once i work abroad, i would be able to buy things that I dreamed of having. things that are impossible for me to purchase if i stay as a nurse in the Philippines. Not only for me sana, pero sa family ko din.

    But then again, plans didn't work. And so, priorities are changed. Up until today kse, i feel pressured to support my family, despite my condition, despite my new limitations. And that is my dilemna right now.

  5. that was sad :(

    hope all is well :}

    have a nice day!

  6. Hi there Meowfie!

    All will be well. :-)

    Kinda reminds me of one of my fave movies of all time, Three Idiots. All Izz Well...


  7. so wala ba kayong work ngayon? wala ba kahit manlang private hospital or governmemt hospital na pwedi kayo mag work kahit na HIV positive kayo? what do governement do para matulugan kayo ma employed.

  8. Here in the Philippines, we have a law that prohibits discrimination in the workplace (hospital, included). In the Middle East, there are travel and work restrictions to those who have HIV.

  9. :( ang sad naman po ng story niyo T_T

    sana po kayanin niyo po, wag mawalan ng pag'asa sa buhay, sana maging okay na po lahat at mahanapan po ng cure yung HIV po. sayang po kasi yung profession na natapos niyo po dahil lang sa sakit na yun nawala lahat, and i bet you have a very pleasing personality kaya ka po lapitin ng mga temptation that time.

    Yaan mo po magiging okay rin po yan lahat trust ka lang po kay God. Atleast po dahil sa pag invite mo sakin dito sa blog mo po naaware po ako kung ano talaga kadelekado ang HIV.

    salamat po ng marami sa blog mo po.

  10. johnnykun: hey, thanks! :-) yes, parang i feel like may obligation ako to inform others regarding sa pagtaas ng HIV cases. and most importantly, how to prevent HIV and keep people safe. and ayaw ko din maranasan ng iba ang naranasan naming mga positive sa HIV. I hope my story will serve as a lesson for others. :-)

    Thanks and keep safe always!

  11. Hello is it true na walang HIV discrimination sa pinas? Do you think they will hire a medical personnel na HIV Positive? if they do can u state na may work ba sila or wala silang work or dahil narin cguro sa stigma.

  12. Have you heard about Sr. Raquel an RVM nun why don't you try na magpa pray for healing sa kanya many miracles and miracles do still happen just have faith.

  13. http://www.sisterraquel.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/healingstories-of-sister-raquel.pdf

    Thats the link kindly read it sakaling makatulong ako. And if ma heal ka kindly post your story here also. God bless.

  14. Here in our country, we have a law that protects people with HIV, especially in the workplace. I believe that employees should be judged according to how their perform their jobs (intelligence, skills, and their ability to deliver) and not accdg. to their health status (presuming that they are still healthy and strong enough to work).

  15. pinoypositive mayroon puede hu bang maki communicate sayo? sa email heto ang email ko... rnoel_rubi@yahoo.com... Salamat sa blog mo, nakakalungkot po pero huwag mawalan nang pag-asa.

  16. the reason siguro ng bawal magtrabaho ang positibo sa HIV sa healthcare ay yung risk na it MAY pose to the patients and other people na katrabaho mo, though mababa naman ang transmission sa needlestick injury :(

    sad but true.....

  17. Yes, I do understand that. I was on my last few days at work as a nurse when I learned about my HIV status. I had that chance to retract my resignation since it was the logical thing to do. I was so emotional that time, and I wasn't in my right mind. Even when my colleague told me to continue working since my work abroad didn't push through, I told him I won't, and added that I might just harm my patients and myself. I don't know if he got that and understood what I meant.

    Up until this day (he's already our unit's manager), he is still encouraging me to come back for work. :-(

  18. any updates on your current situation sir?

  19. There is a special and professional dating site for people with HIV / AIDS, it is named as Hiv Positive Dating Sites where you can check the top hiv dating sites in the web and you can choose a suitable one to join and meet more than 1000000 hiv singles.

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